Tuesday, April 19, 2011

I'M NOT PERFECT...

so why does it seem like everyone expects me to be perfect.  Kent wants a chocolate birthday cake with vanilla frosting and sprinkles.  Everyone expects me to be able to do what is impossible.  I made the cake last night.  I knew I should clear and set the table and wash the dishes when I sat down last night at 8pm after the girls were all in bed and the cake was out of the oven, but I was exhausted before, I ever go supper on the table last night. 

But this is what my kitchen looked like this morning.
Actually, it was slightly worse, when I walked in first thing.

I've spent much of the morning just trying to get on top of things.  First off I had to get Kent breakfast.  We usually do something special for birthday breakfasts, but with a kitchen like that, it wasn't going to happen.  It still took me 45 minutes to get the table cleared and a special place set for him, so I could take his special place setting picture with him.  By the time I had breakfast poured for Katy and Kaomi, Felicity was done eating, so I had to watch her, until she could go down for nap time (no chance to work in the kitchen then, she needs constant supervision/chasing right now).  By this time I was in tears, I know that Kent isn't getting the birthday cake he wanted, my kitchen is a mess, and I know that it will probably still be a mess when I get home and have to cook supper this evening. We have other things planned today and I no longer have time to make the icing and frost his cake.  I wrapped his presents.  At least that got done.  I cleared the dish rack.  I washed two loads of dishes in the dish washer, and still don't have anywhere to make frosting.  I managed to get a load of laundry in the washing machine, too.  The kids don't understand why mommy is crying, they think I'm supposed to be perfect too.  They don't understand when I say I don't have time to do everything that I am supposed to do.  Felicity is crying, she still hasn't taken a nap and she keeps throwing everything out of her bed, including her favorite rags.  Right now she just has a frog that she is hugging and her blanket.  I'm already exhausted and there aren't many opportunities for naps around here and even if I do start to fall asleep I get woken up.  Mommy is expected to be available anytime someone "needs" her no matter what she is doing.   I never was perfect and I never will be so why, oh why, am I expected to be prefect.  God is perfect.  I definitely am not God.  I guess I should be "counting it all joy" that I am not perfect, but I'm finding that kind of hard to do right now.

6 comments:

  1. Sounds like mommy needs a little TLC right about now. ;)
    Darlin', if it makes you feel any better, my kitchen looks like that lots of mornings. I let my kids down, too. I think we set our expectations too high sometimes.
    Take a break (even if it means putting the baby in the playcrib and ignoring the cries for a few minutes). Walk outside or go raid the chocolate chip stash in the kitchen. Take some deep breaths and and maybe paint your toenails real quick.
    Then, go rescue the kids with your renewed outlook. Throw out the plans for the day and do something totally unexpected for that birthday boy. Take him to the park and let him splash in puddles... He'll never remember the messy kitchen or the missing frosting, but he'll always remember the silly fun you gave him.
    Hugs to you.

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  2. One solution would be to call in reinforcements!! Laure and I can come over and help out some. I know what you are feeling—it does get overwhelming sometimes with little ones and trying to keep up with everything else!! I am planning to come over tonight—do you want me to bring some frosting and sprinkles?

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  3. Thanks, Mom. I appreciated your help tonight.

    Fatima, thanks for understanding. We already had a fun afternoon planned, the kids were mostly happy and content playing in the morning. He had a great day and I'm sure he won't remember that Mommy didn't do it the same as always.

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  4. Dear Suanna, I want to say thank you for writing this. I have at times felt like you are the perfect one in homeschooling,child rearing and being a wife. I know I am far from perfect and I do know you aren't perfect but thank you for showing me that you aren't. :-) I really do hope that we get to move to texas so that we can help each other out. Could one of your sister in laws make the icing for you? Happy birthday to Kent, too. I remember having little ones and being pregnant and it was hard work. I am praying for you. Do not loose heart for in do season you shall reap. I have been working on thinking about 7 things to be thankful for a day. http://www.aholyexperience.com/ was shown to me by a friend and it has helped me alot.
    Love, Cathy

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  5. Oh man, my yesterday and today felt like this, and I've just decided never to clean the house again. There. Solved THAT problem!

    I love you!

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  6. A joke to go with this column: Housekeeping just takes nerve: do nothing at all; after 2 weeks it will always look the same! Thanks for your column. Even though this is from way back, it was useful to me today.

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